MARTYR NURTURING

“Martyr Nurturing is a caring style that centers the desecration and denial of self as a mechanism for both supporting and maintaining control over others.” - Yolo Akili

How it shows up:

Denigrating, denying and minimizing self in the service of others.

Building somatic, psychic, and emotional resentment through lack of boundaries (always saying “yes” even when “no” is an option).

Using nurturing as a means of control and a method to avoid the vulnerability of being cared for.

Trying to “rescue” or “save” others instead of supporting them in their learning process

HEALING CENTERED NURTURING

How it shows up / Primary practices:

Prioritizing personal needs as essential to being a caregiver & human being (sleep, eating, psychological).

Ongoing engagement with the body and what it communicates to self.

Nurturing others and self with firm boundaries and clear intentions.

Presence and awareness with how self is activated and actively practicing self-management.

Supporting learning processes of others but not fostering dependence (enabling)

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The burden of emotional care in Black communities often lies disproportionately on Black women, who as aunties, mothers, grandmothers and big mama’s are taking care of everyone— except themselves- and it is literally contributing to their deaths. To disrupt Martyr Nurturing and Misogynoir, Black men, and Black people of all genders have to step up and support Black women and disrupt when they are being overworked and under supported. Don’t wait until Black women are worn down—show up and stop the practices; show up and end the unfair expectations of emotional labor—- and help us all center healing in our communities. - Yolo Akili